Friday, May 18, 2012

My Birthday

So last night I went to bed completely exhausted. I was so frustrated, sad and angry at how Sean's job proceedings were going. I kept cycling through different emotions. I'd be angry and venting about everything. So steamed up that I'd start ranting about our impending move. It took all my willpower not to lash out at Terryn. He's been driving me nuts the last few days because he doesn't listen or when he does hear what  I say will do the exact opposite of it.  Then I'd get upset and start getting weepy. I was sad that we're leaving. I'm terrible at goodbyes. There are many people and things I will miss here. Then I'd have to focus my energy on not crying. I'm also totally frustrated at how packing has been going. I haven't gotten much done and time is running out.

So I woke up this morning in the shadow of all those feelings. I've been so stressed out that I haven't been sleeping well. I think I woke up around 5:30am when Sean got up. I didn't really fall back asleep, but I was in a half dazed state. Then Sean brought Jayce into the bedroom for me to feed. I fed him and then tried to get him to go back to sleep. He wiggled for a little bit, but then he did manage to doze off again. That's about the time Terryn decided to be noisy. He was screaming about something and then of course that woke up Jayce. I groaned, knowing that I would have to get up too. Ugh... I am SO tired.

At some point Terryn came into the bedroom. I had to use the restroom. I saw Terryn pick up my phone before I went in there and then I called for him to bring it to me. When I looked at it, he had somehow managed to lock my SIM card. Seriously?!!! So now I can't use my phone anymore. It wasn't really that big of a deal because I could use a different SIM card that we have for our guest phone, but that was just it for me. I started crying and I couldn't stop. I felt like I was living in a nightmare being in stuck in limbo with no end in sight.

This was my birthday. I'm not supposed to feel like this today. :( Sean was worried about me I could tell. He had a whole day set up for me with massages and stuff to help me relax. While it was nice, it could not completely suppress the worry and anxiety that was gnawing at my insides. Still no news. To me this was utter insanity. We have 13 days to figure out how and where we're going to move to another country. This is madness!!!

At one point in the day, Sean and I came to a conclusion. It was not necessarily the one we had initially wanted, but as soon as we made it, I felt this HUGE weight come off me. Most of my stress and anxiety evaporated. I could breathe again. I was actually able to enjoy the rest of my birthday.

So we think we know where we're going now, but it's not for sure yet. You'll all have to wait until the next post to find out where it is. :)

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